Base AB Scripts
by goldmonk
Summary: These are just some short and hopefully funny scripts I wrote for an internet series I had. The series follows a group of misfits as they deal with everyday base life. Hope you guys enjoy.
1. Good ol' Times

**Author's Note: I have just finished my sophomore year of college and I am home for the summer. Now that I have made that announcement, here is the second: I am going to be taking a brief hiatus from Chronicles of Zulu and going to try and enjoy my summer vacation before I start summer classes. Now in order to keep you people entertained I am going to release one of the original scripts from the online series "Base AB" which never got off the ground. Now be advised, this was written almost two years ago and we (my friends and I) were going to voice the characters. So if it's crap compared to what I'm writing currently, that's why. Now the character descriptions for the characters will be short and stupid. Kingpin is the leader of the small group. He's laid back (sometimes too laid back) but he takes care of his team. Kingpin wears Mark V armor. He is voiced by Reed Granger. Sandman is a former communist soldier who took to booze and cheap women after Russia lost the war. He is loyal, honorable, and an excellent soldier...when he is sober. Sandman wears EOD armor. He is voiced by Brian White. Monk is a sniper who might have hit his head once or twice as a child, but is a decent shot. Monk wears Operator armor. I voice this character. Hawkeye is the only sane one of the team and is made fun of because of this. Hawkeye wears the Pilot armor He is voiced by Daniel Weaver. Twitch is...well...you'll see. Twitch wears CQC armor. He is "voiced" by Zach Waser. Hope you guys enjoy and I'll be back.**

"Good ol' Times"

(Opens on a black screen)

Sandman: I've run out of booze!

(suddenly a screen comes up with the date 4/12/56 and a record button, showing Sandman who is breathing heavy)

Sandman: Day two with no alcohol (black screen reappears with "Reed Granger" in white letters) I'm seeing things! I'm losing my mind! No, I'm gonna pull it together. (Same screen with "John Shields" in white letters) My commie training prepared me for this!

(Screen goes black again but the same screen a day later, except with Monk doing the journal log)

Sandman: (background) MMMMMOOOORRRRRGGGGG!

(Black screen with "Brian White" in white letters)

Monk: Day three of Sand going dry, aaannnddd (screen with "Zach Waser and Daniel Weaver" in white letters)

Sandman: Morg find food!

Kingpin: Sand, that's a fucking gun put it- (sounds of a plasma repeater going off as Sandman begins to shrill)

Monk: Sand's gone primitive. (Blank screen "Caisson Productions presents") On a good note, we have a new rookie coming today.

Sandman: Morg find mate!

Hawkeye: Why is he holding a dead prostitute?

Kingpin: Something's never change, bro.

Monk: The good ole times are back.

Twitch: (gargles)

(Blank screen as the "Base AB" logo drops in from above as "Timestretch" plays as credits roll

A Caisson Productions Series

Produced by Reed Granger, John Shields, and Brian White

Written by John Shields and Brian White

Edited by Zach Waser and Daniel Weaver

Directed by Reed Granger

(Credits end)

(Opens on Monk and Kingpin talking in the lobby)

Monk: Soooo, what happened all of Sand's booze?

Kingpin: Workers went on strike or something.

(Sandman is heard screaming)

Monk: Sounds bad.

Kingpin: Mhm.

(A spartan in Mark V armor is behind Kingpin holding two bags)

Spartan: ummm excuse me? Is this Outpost Alpha Bravo?

(Kingpin turns around)

Kingpin: Yeah. You the new rookie?

Spartan: Yes sir, Cpl. David Stevenson. (he begins to salute but Kingpin stops him)

Kingpin: It's okay, no need to sir me, you will learn eventually.

Stevenson: Ok.

Monk: Also, you need a nickname. We never go by our real names. Hmmmmm.

Kingpin: You'll be...(suddenly a dub step ringtone is heard)

Kingpin and Monk: Robo!

Kingpin: Just stick your bags in a room on the third floor.

Robo: Okay (he walks away)

Monk: Oh shit! We didn't warn him about Sand!

Kingpin: FU-

(Cuts to Robo walking down a hallway, he hears Sandman grunting)

Robo: Huh? (He glances into Sandman's room to find Sand naked except for his helmet and a cloth covering his crotch) What the hell?

Sandman: You food? (Glaring at Robo)

Robo: Uhhh no?

Sandman: (grunting) You mate?

Robo: Nope.

Sandman: Morg demand gift. (he crawls over to Robo and grabs his pistol)

Robo: ummm that's not yours.

Sandman: Morg take this. Back to Morg's first wife. She love Morg. (He crawls back to his room, Robo just stands there)

Robo: What the fuck? (He slowly walks away, then screaming is heard. Robo goes to investigate. He finds Hawkeye and Twitch arguing)

Hawkeye: So if Scarlett Johansson came to your door in a bikini oiled up asking for whipped cream you wouldn't take that opportunity for some tail?

Twitch: (gargles and grunts)

Hawkeye: So what if it may have an STD? That's what condoms are for!

Twitch: (more gargling)

Hawkeye: You make a good point with Mila Kunis, but still!

(Robo just walks away)

Robo: This place is fucked up.

(He puts his bags down)

Robo: Okay, time to ask for my fir-

Monk: Fore!

(A grenade is heard exploding)

(Cuts to Monk and Kingpin holding grenade launchers)

Kingpin: You sure this game is safe?

Monk: Of course, grenade golf is fun!

Robo: What the fuck?!

Kingpin: Aim for Sand's room.

Monk: Sure thing. (He launches another grenade)

Robo: This place is nuts!

Kingpin: Calm down, rookie. You'll be dead by the 4th episode.

(Explosion)

Robo: Wha?!

Sandman: Morg no like! Morg feel bad!

(Screen goes black)

Monk: Suck it up, pussy!

Robo: I'm so fucked...


	2. Hard at Work

**Author's Note: Well here is another Base AB script to put out while I work on Chapter 25 of Chronicles of Zulu. This Chapter is going to take a little bit longer to write since I have run into some family issues (which I will not go into details about) and schoolwork is starting to pile up. But I will do the best I can to keep up the writing. Remember to leave a review if you like it, hate it, or want to make sweet love to it. Chapter 25- Assassins, will be out within the next week.**

**"Hard at Work"**

(Opens on Kingpin and Monk sitting, while Robo stands in front of them, facing them with his arms crossed)

Robo: So there's nothing to do?

Monk: Nope.

Kingpin: Zilch.

Robo: Inventory?

Monk: Only thing we really kept record of was Sand's booze and all that's gone.

Kingpin: Didn't we keep track of the bodies Sand kept.

Monk: Yeah but I threw those records away after maybe the 50th hooker. They all look so similar.

Kingpin: Ugly?

Monk: Decomposing is more of the word I was looking for.

Kingpin: ahhhh (nods)

Robo: Security?

Kingpin: Dude, we are all armed. Some poor motherfucker walks through those doors he's good as dead. Beside, who wants to raid this outpost?

Monk: Jehovah's Witness?

Kingpin: Already dealt with that.

Robo: How?

Kingpin: Satanic symbols drawn around outside.

Robo: Is that why I saw 20 or so priests chanting and sweating outside?

Kingpin: Yep and the child bomb should take care of them. (he presses a few buttons on his tac pad)

Robo: A "child bomb"?! You're using kids as bombs? You sick-

Kingpin: Relax, spazzo the clown. It's one of those realistic baby dolls little girls play with. (a muffled explosion and rumbling is heard) Check on our guests, Monk.

(Monk gets up and is heard opening a door. Car alarms and flames are heard.)

Monk: Daaammmnnn. (he closes the door and walks back to his seat)

Robo: Okay, vehicle maintenance?

Monk: We have Hawkeye and Twitch.

(Cuts to a hanger where Hawkeye is repairing a Pelican with a welding torch. Twitch gargles)

Hawkeye: Huh? (Twitch gargles again) No no no (he looks up) The stabilizers go in the third drawer, not in the cabinet. That's where the fucking fluids go, you retard. (Twitch gargles) What did you say about my sister? (gargle) You want your dickhole cauterized? (he holds up the welding torch as Twitch grunts) Oh, it's on motherfucker! (He walks off camera as random bangs are heard along with screaming) Hold still, asshole (sizzling is heard as Twitch gargles loudly)

(Cuts back to Monk and Kingpin as Twitch's gargle echoes though the base)

Robo: ummmm...

Monk: Chill out, they're just having fun.

Robo: Medical needs?

Kingpin: Wanna check on Sand the Barbarian?

Sandman: (off camera) Morg discover porn! (Grunting) Morg feel good inside.

Robo: Yeah...I'd rather not.

Kingpin: Wise choice.

Robo: Taking out the garbage?

Monk: Threw it in the furnace.

Robo: ugh. Financing?

Kingpin: Bitch, we are more broke than the U.S. government.

Robo: How?

Kingpin: Sand getting us sued by almost every corporation known to god and man.

Monk: Also, (points at the camera) these lazy bastards also known as our "fans" don't donate enough money!

Kingpin: We don't have a charitable cause.

Monk: We could have a fund to help restore Sand's sanity.

Kingpin:...so money for alcohol?

Monk: Yeah, but we market it as something else.

Kingpin: Like United Way.

Monk: Nah, those guys are amateurs compared to the Catholic Church.

Kingpin: (laughing) Good point. Hey, don't worry about suing us, we are still trying to pay off the court fees.

Monk: Long story, rook.

Robo: ummmm, okay. So there is nothing for me to do?

Monk: Not a thing

Robo: (sighs)

(Screen goes black)


End file.
